no room for fear

"in his eyes i see the fear, that only time could disappear

if only time could re-appear, now's the time

somethin' to take it away, to take it away, to take it

don't let it stay, don't let it stay, don't let it "

in other words, ben kweller

regret, quite often, rolls the red carpet out for fear. if you're like me, there are times in your life where you long for a do-over, a reset, a clean slate to say words differently, respond instead of react or realize the opportunity that was missed, unrecognized. and if you're like me, you sigh, at best, or cringe, at worst, when the residue of those faltering, floundering and failing moments of your past appear in your present to remind you. they can bully you into brooding and taunt you into a tempest, working the crowd of your faculties until fear steps out of your limbic limo onto the red runner that leads to your heart. it seizes you and you feel of stone. what to do? what can you do?

the paralysis of fear is its fuel. we fight or flee or beg and seek for something to take it away. but regardless of our choice, we break contact only temporarily. we gain but a momentary reprieve, a fleeting peace that offers little solace. fear eventually catches up bringing our monogrammed mistakes to the present and moves to our future, stakes a dishonest claim and waits out in the open for us to arrive. if not paralyzed, then powerless, so we look for something to evict it from our lives. control, power, substances or things we bow to that control us...something, anything to take it away, that won't let it stay. we often serve the lesser gods that hide us from fear. only to find, in the end, their craft lessens in effect and fear reappears, large and foreboding.

in other words by ben kweller is a beautifully haunting song. it is poignant in its message, true to the feelings and emotions of life, fear, and moving in its music, like many of kweller's works. i think he is gifted in the art of communication. songs like his lead me to a saying that i heard some years ago in a talk given by dr. elliot greene. it has become somewhat of a mantra for me:

my feelings are true, but they are not truth

when these feelings of regret and fear creep in to my world, i pray i recognize them for what they are and i pray, even more, for the only thing that can truly take them away and will not let them stay: perfect love casts out all fear. perfect love comes from God, there is no other source. and the God who is eternally in relationship has placed me within relationships to both discover my inept ability to love and rescue me from it. in jesus, God saves me and shows me he is love, perfect and powerful. when his love fills me, there is no room for fear. and his love propels me into regret-filled, once terrifying relationships with courage and confidence that his love is far greater than any impossibility i may face in any relational circumstance.

i love the transition in kweller's, in other words, when the somber sadness moves into a driving, ever fuller, ever faster piano crescendo. the bridge contains the phrase, it starts stopping when it stops stopping. to me, i do not know kweller's original meaning, i hear in this song that the feelings of fear have ceased and something alive and vibrant is taking over. honestly, kweller is banging on the piano like a man possessed. i imagine him playing with two hands, a foot and his forehead! i love it! and i think, in some broken, not fully focused way, the full and flooding sound of kweller on the piano dimly reflects the torrential and life-giving movement of perfect love. it wildly bursts into my heart, joyfully sending fear carreening out of it's stolen space emphatically declaring there is no room for it anymore.

*these are my own thoughts about the songs i listen to. i, in no way, am trying to communicate nor convey the artist's original meaning for their song. these are my thoughts alone.

in need of mending

"and we are so fragile
and our cracking bones make noise

and we all are just

breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys"

-ingrid michaelson, breakable

i love the lyrical quality of ingrid michaelson's voice. it is full, melodic and rich. to me, she sounds like she is smiling while she is singing. her voice and songs are distinctive. she is a singer-songwriter, a poet and musician. the first time i heard breakable, her lyrics unfolded a truth that i have come to know: we are broken people.

actually, i believe we are born that way, though the cracks nor pain may not appear for many years to come. broken from birth and in desperate need of mending. we are so fragile, as michaelson writes, but skeletal fragility is, surprisingly, just a symptom of a darker reality. we are not passive souls, victims of an evil force that seeks to crush our bones, alone. no, i believe we have the propensity ourselves: the capacity to break others.

it is our nature. not that we fulfill the worst of its capacity, but it seems, that it is always lurking, crouching, waiting in the shadows to own us. in thought, action or reaction and words, i can break others and they can break me. we all feel real hurt and pain in relationships. and in them and this state, i feel helpless....and at my core, my soul, i am.

but one has come. his form like ours, but his nature not. he could do no breaking, himself. but he gave himself to be broken for all the breakable girls and boys. broken and poured out. love's libation. he became breakable to mend our brokenness completely. hope for the breakers, the breaking, the broken and the breakable: jesus

this post is my opinion; my own thoughts about the things i hear in songs. my posts are not intended to speak for the artist nor in anyway define or interpret the meaning of the songs that are mentioned. it is, solely, my opinion.